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(4 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) blegel [14 Sep 2004|06:23pm] [ mood | grumpy ] [ music | fiona ] its true. i was right. fuck. now what do i do. OHIKNOWEXACTLYWHATIVEBEENDOINGTHEPAST2WEEKSSTRAIGHT. not healthy, man.

(4 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) bah [31 Aug 2004|09:42am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | saves the day ] sad and worried. i hope its not true. i pray its not true. and i dont pray. but this time i will. please please please dont be. i wish i wasn't so sad. i feel so alone. basically everyone has gone. i hope my new plan works. i want a hedgehog super bad. my ankle hurts. im gonna go watch more tv and do crunches cause im fat. <3

(Heaven help me for the way I am) ... [29 Aug 2004|06:31pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | 311 ] does anybody else find it weird that my fortune cookie said "you have a yearning for perfection" ?? i do.

(2 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [29 Jun 2004|10:50am] i feel so lost.

(Heaven help me for the way I am) [15 Jun 2004|12:08am] [ mood | sad ] dear body, stop hating me as much as i hate you. and stop killing me. and stop being stupid and ugly. love, vikki

(2 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [13 Jun 2004|11:03pm] who wants to make me a pretty new backround cause mine got erased somehow???? ill love you forever i promise. <3

(Heaven help me for the way I am) [12 Jun 2004|08:42am] [ music | cross my heart ] jesus fucking christ. everything is real. up to the model. what is you inner self like by true_poetry username your inner model is: your eating disorder is: Compulsive Over Eating what you most desire is: To be thin. what you crave most is: you will die on: March 25, 2023 you will die from: over eating/obesity Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

(Heaven help me for the way I am) [12 Jun 2004|08:24am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | slowride ] i hate the hospital. i hate having surgery. i hate what the doctor has to say. i hate how everyone fucks things up. including me. i want out.

(2 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [04 May 2004|01:44am] something might actually go good in my life soon: a boy. and a good one too. but i fucked up real bad last night. real bad. and its eating me up inside. and i dont fucking know what to do. i hate myself.

(1 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [04 May 2004|01:41am] [ mood | angry ] im not fucking eating any god damn more. im a fucking fat pig and im ugly and i hate myself. if i can't kill myself now. then ill do it slowly. and die beautiful.

(Heaven help me for the way I am) [11 Apr 2004|11:48am] i can't stop crying about everything and nothing. i have no idea what reality is anymore. i can't describe what i'm seeing, feeling, tasting, hearing, touching. i dont know anything. i dont know how i know things. i dont know how i know where to put my fingers how they go where they keys go to type this. i dont know how i recgonize tastes and smells. im going mad. im so scared. i can't trust anyone. i dont want to feel this way but if i end it what will happen.

(2 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) so sad. [16 Mar 2004|02:13pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | cranberries ] my life is falling apart. i am falling apart. i can't do this much longer.

(1 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) ill never tell you the secrets im holding [08 Mar 2004|07:12am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | dave ] sorry once again for disappearing. not that it really matters. nobody probably even noticed i was gone. and its not like i do any good for this community. i fell into another one of my deep depressions, the kind where you can't get out of bed, just lay there in a ball and cry, can't do anything. ive been in that for over a week now. ive been forced to get up a few times. "you can't keep missing class" FUCK YOU. they have no idea what this is like. and they have no idea what is going on in my life right now. im not exactly sure whats wrong with me. whatever it is, im back to my old self, a few years ago. all my old habits. all my old feelings. everything. maybe my medicine stopped working. i dont know. i just wish i could stop crying.

(Heaven help me for the way I am) [30 Jan 2004|08:04am] so ive been up since 630 and its annoying. and my hair looks funny. cause its all flat except for three chunks that are like BAM hello. lets see how straight up we can go. light socket styl. im talking to nick. oh dear. i need some coffee or something. something. <3

(1 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [18 Jan 2004|01:56am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | blonde redhead ] i hate this. i fucking hate this. i can't do anything right. amd nothing will ever work out. i feel so defeated.

(6 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [16 Jan 2004|12:53pm] [ mood | in pain ] im so upset i can't even write.

(8 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [12 Jan 2004|07:04pm] [ mood | happy ] who's getting their fixator off in a week? I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i win i win i win. yayyyyyyy. and then a month from now (er, close to it) i get to set up my next surgery date to get the bottom half off! oh, what a good day. <3

(2 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [29 Dec 2003|11:50am] [ mood | angry ] just in case your still reading my shit, because obviously your still breaking into and searching things that obviously are not yours i'd like to leave you a little message.   fuck you. you are evil.

(Heaven help me for the way I am) ambition makes you look pretty ugly [29 Dec 2003|12:09am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | radiohead and switchfoot [odd combination, i know. bite me] ] have i ever meantioned that family guy is the best show ever? and i got the south park first season. beefcake. i could actually write a list of wonderful things. mmmmaybe i will. cause i'm in a good mood. beefcake! dave grohl foo fighters say anything edward scissorhands family guy south park tea grapefruit bagels halloween coffee emo. eh, music in general, but emo. my new pink trucker hat. cordoroys me getting better soon! hooooooooooorah my beast car all my friends *COUGH JEN AKA jendotcom  YOU BETTER CALL ME MUTHAFUCKABITCHASS/410/562/8023/INCASEYOUFORGOT* snl zepplin soup rice BARS AND SEEING THE SQUINTS AND EVERYONE YAY THAT WAS SO FUN dr pepper my new knife red peppers HATS dc. represent. sorta. thrifting my orange chucks my purple ones eyeliner my eyebrow and the fact its pierced salad my tattoos and the new one im getting soon THE TALKING HEAD thai food ethiopian food chinesefood mexican itilian okay, any food thats not american           sifl and olly. and batman. done. not really but its time to watch pretty in pink or say anything. i thinki'm in the mood for a little ducky. but maybe a little great poetry, [oh iforgot to meantion poetry on my list]  so i'll leave you with one of the best quotes of all time. i gave her my heart and she gave me a pen. isn't that the way it always goes, though. uh oh, im gettin emo again. blimey. <3

(2 Saved Me | Heaven help me for the way I am) [17 Dec 2003|01:41am] [ mood | chipper ] who got their eyebrow pierced? i did! YESSSSSSS'M I DID AND IT LOOKS HOT! yayyyyyyyyy so happy. meep! ill try and get a pic up but if not you'll just have to come see me! <3

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